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The Secret Formula For Picking Oscar Winners

March 15, 2007 by Heather Huntington

It's almost Oscar time again and Hollywood's A-list is busy getting squirrelly wondering if they're going to make the cut. And although we all know that the race for who wins the coveted golden god is about as fair and balanced as a Fox newscast, at least we have an idea of what the Academy's predilections are. Sure, Transformers grossed over $700 million worldwide, but the silver-hairs that put in the votes are about as likely to give it Best Picture as they are to hightail it to the next Hannah Montana concert. So what does the Academy like out of its major categories? Glad you asked.

 Oscar Formula

          Movie           Based on a popular/serious book Based on a real person High Nostalgia Factor 1 Major character plagued by...
Substance Abuse or Addiction Crippling Illness Sad, Painful Death Prosthetic Make-up or Wig Goofy Accent 2
A Mighty Heart x x       x Angelina Jolie x
American Gangster   x x         Russell Crowe
Atonement x         x   x
Away From Her     Julie Christie   x      
Charlie Wilson's War x Charlie Wilson x Alcoholism     Julia Roberts x
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly x x     x x x  
Elizabeth: The Golden Age   Queen Elizabeth I         x x
Gone Baby Gone x     x       x
Hairspray     x       John Travolta x
Into the Wild x x Hal Holbrook     Emile Hirsch    
Juno         Being Pregnant   x  
La Vie En Rose   Edith Piaf x x x x x  
Michael Clayton       x x x    
No Country for Old Men x         Javier Bardem x x
Sweeney Todd           Sweeney Todd x x
There Will Be Blood x x   x   x   Daniel Day-Lewis

1 - Old actor, remade subject matter-something that reminds the Academy of their salad days.

2 - Not to be mistaken with being in a foreign language, which we all know decreases your chances of winning the Oscar.

And the winners are La Vie en Rose and Charlie Wilson's War in a photo finish tie with six apiece. The rest of you can go home and take a nap—no need to clear away any space on your mantle just yet. Then again, this could always be the year the Academy breaks the mold and Michael Bay will get to strut his red carpet stuff. That is, assuming the writers' strike doesn't bring the whole house down anyhow.